A letter to my future self
Dear Future Me
Hey, Past Tony here. The date is currently April 26th, 2021. You are 4 days from your 24th birthday, less than one week till your master thesis is due, two weeks till you graduate from grad school, and a couple months from starting medical school in the Fall. A lot is going on, and I’m sure only more things have been added to our plate since, but amidst all the noise, I want to make sure that you, my future self, remembers why you decided to embark on this journey, and offer some pieces of advice and lessons learned from your past self.
Remember your roots
Roots can mean so many different things depending on who you ask, but for. us that means identity and upbringing.
Being a second generation Arab American immigrant has given you power in your voice. Immigrants are treated differently in this country, but you and your brothers are the example of how generational success can be built. Your background is different, but expansive. It allows you to traverse a multitude of landscapes. Don’t forget to explore this topography.
The “About” section of my LinkedIn starts with: “Few people from my hometown go to college, fewer go to graduate school, fewer still attempt medical school, and nobody plays trumpet the entire time.” You are unique and have come so far from the suburbs of Metro Detroit, but those experiences are what built you to tackle whatever you are going through. Resilience is the name of the game, and don’t play without all your cards in your deck.
You signed up for this
For better or for worse, you did sign up for this. Realizing this might not help you in your current trials and tribulations, but keep in mind that this was your DREAM for the better part of 6 years, and still is. You knew so many people who tried to be in this exact spot, but YOU were able to make it through. Don’t take that lightly, and be humbled by the fact that you should strive to prove you earned this spot everyday.
You have been through so many challenges to reach this point. Years of self doubt, fears of inadequacy, and too much time thinking about what people will think of you were not enough to steer you away, and you shouldn’t treat this new challenge as anything different. Your path is your own and has helped formed you into the person you are today. Lean into your path, it will help you through the toughest times.
Don’t wait for life
I picked this one up recently, especially as I get older and my friends who are on different paths start getting married, buying houses, and having kids. It is easy to subscribe to the idea of I’ll-do-that-later; once I finish school or get a stable job or am financial secure, then I’ll start life.
This is a flawed mindset. If you are contemplating a big decision that seems like you should push it off to later, don’t. Life won’t wait for you to be secure to throw curve-balls your way, so you shouldn’t wait to get your life started. Go on that date, think about retirement, maybe even get that house (within reason). Don’t wait, and enjoy the role you are currently in to the fullest, it’s the only time in your life you will be in that position, after-all.
The Hidden Lesson
If you have talked to me about my mental health journey, you probably have heard this phrase or a version of it. The hidden lesson stems from teaching upcoming marching band members in undergrad about service.
The basic idea is this: you must help yourself before you can help others. You’re in the business of self-sacrifice and delayed-gratification, and despite how much of a giver you are, you must recharge your own batteries before you give any energy out. In health and medicine, we spend years learning how to take care of others, but a minuscule amount of time learning to care for ourselves.
Future Tony, take note of your energy levels and be selfish with the time you need to recharge. Running and exercise has always been a consistent charging station for you, lean into these, or rediscover the love. You will only come back stronger and ready to help even more patients and family.
Call mom
This one needs no additional explanation. “Mom knows best” isn’t just a saying that moms invented to convince people to listen to them, but concrete facts that, in my opinion, should already be written into law.
Look, in medicine and public health, we regularly discuss some of the world’s most complicated and challenging issues, such as racial injustices, climate change, social determinate of health, and raging disease rates, seeking just as complicated solutions. There is nothing wrong with striving for a better world, but the world’s problems cannot be on your shoulders everyday. Call mom, ask her about her day, be absorbed in her life and escape yours. She is always your cheerleader, will keep you grounded, and is somehow always strong enough to pick up the world when you need a hand.
Final thoughts
Dear Future Tony, I’m sure our life has only gotten more complicated since I’ve written this, but regardless of these changes, some things will always remain steadfast and will push you forward, and hopefully to a better, brighter future us.
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